Me and My Stupid Heart
by Always a Bookworm
Summary: The scary, bizarre, completely and indescribably terrible thing is that I think my heart might break. Which just isn't me. And there's no way I'll let him make a fool out of me. No way. Not a chance... Me and my stupid heart. Pyschoshipping.


**Hiya everyone! It's me again, with a pyschoshipping one shot. A pairing that I happen to absolutely adore (because it's awesome, that's why!), and I've wanted to write for quite a while. Hope it's okay!**

**Warning: Slash and much Bakura angst. Because who doesn't love Bakura angst? XD!**

**And a _huge_ THANK YOU! to the awesome YuugisGirl for beta-ing. Hope your computer's working again, YG, and thanks again for helping me! :D**

**Hope you all enjoy! (Oh, and kudos to those that spot the trustshipping!)**

* * *

The scary, bizarre, completely and indescribably terrible thing is that I think my heart might break.

Which means that I'm in love with someone.

Which just doesn't fit me. _At all_.

Never did, never will. There's no way I'm changing that for _him_. That psychopathic, sadistic, murdering, pure-and-utter-evil _monster_ of a man.

I'm not changing for Marik. There's not a chance in hell that I'll let him make a fool out of me.

Nuh-huh.

No way.

Me and my stupid heart.

* * *

Bakura wasn't pleased.

To be perfectly honest, he was absolutely furious.

"You're telling me that you're actually going on holiday with Malik _without me_? To Egypt?"

Ryou eyed him calmly over the rim of his suitcase as he packed various items of clothing into it. "Yes."

"Without me, Ryou!"

Ryou's mouth twitched in amusement at his yami's petulant tone. "Yes, Bakura. Malik and I are going on a _romantic_ and _meaningful_ holiday. It's going to be peaceful and I don't plan on having it ruined."

Bakura tilted his head, trying to look innocent. "So what's the problem with inviting me?"

Ryou shot him a look. "You would ruin it, Bakura. I'm still scarred from the time we visited my cousins in Britain." He shuddered slightly. "I think it's safe to say I've been disowned from the family after that little escapade."

Bakura grinned at the memory. That had been a really fun trip.

"But _Egypt_, Ryou!" he said, in a mock-hurt voice. "My home! You're not going to stop me going home, are you?"

Ryou rolled his eyes, and started going through a drawer to look for his sunglasses. "I've told you, you can go to Egypt any time you want. Just don't expect me to pay for the plane tickets. And not with me and Malik."

Bakura couldn't think of a worthy argument to that, so he merely flopped back onto the bed, and started muttering sulkily under his breath.

Ryou ignored him.

"But does that mean I'll have full run of the house for two whole weeks?" Bakura suddenly sat up, grinning wickedly as he thought of all the things he could do without Ryou's watchful eye following his every move. For a start, he'd always wanted to see what would happen if he exploded the microwave...

Ryou snorted. "I'm not that stupid, yami. There wouldn't be a house to come back to if I left you in charge." He smiled at Bakura's scowl, and continued: "No, you're going to be staying with a couple of friends while I'm away."

"Who?" Bakura asked, suspiciously.

"The Ishtars. Rishid and Ishizu will keep an eye on you, but Marik will be there so you won't get bored," Ryou replied, happily.

He shot Bakura an expectant look, but his face fell as he saw Bakura's blank expression. "Well? I thought you'd be pleased," he faltered.

Bakura shook his head, as though to bring himself out of a particularly unpleasant thought, and nodded at Ryou, still looking slightly angry and (if Ryou hadn't known better) rather upset.

"Yeah. That'll be great." He stood up, and walked to the door. "Oh, and your sunglasses are in the bathroom cupboard," he called back, leaving Ryou completely confused by his yami's sudden mood change.

* * *

Bakura turned up on the doorstep of the Ishtars a few days later, carrying a suitcase, and waving Ryou's concerned questions impatiently off.

"Oh, thank Ra," he said, as a bewildered Malik opened the door. "Please, just take him to Egypt so that he can stop annoying me!"

Ryou shook his head at Bakura's melodramatic tone. "I was just checking that you have my number in case something goes wrong," he asked, patiently.

After at least ten more minutes of Ryou going through a list of things that Bakura was to do (to which Bakura listened for the first few seconds and then started daydreaming about various ways to kill the annoying puppy that their neighbours had just bought), Ryou and Malik climbed into the car, and set off for their holiday.

"Sickening, isn't it? This 'romantic' get away they've got planned," a dry voice came from behind Bakura, and he turned to see Marik leaning against the doorframe, smiling that crooked smile of his.

Bakura's heart stopped for a split second, but he soon regained control and smirked. "Absolutely disgusting. So, where am I sleeping?"

Marik chuckled at his rudeness, and grabbed Bakura's suitcase, heading back into the house. "In my room," he called over his shoulder, as Bakura followed him. "Ishizu's determined to redecorate Malik's room while he's away otherwise it'll never get done, so we don't have any spare rooms."

He stopped, and turned to face Bakura, so suddenly the former thief nearly fell straight back down the stairs. "There's no problem with sharing with me, is there?" he asked, his voice (that strangely beautiful, layered voice Bakura couldn't help but think) suddenly mocking, laughter shining in his eyes.

Bakura became suddenly aware that there was very little room between them, and that he had instinctively grabbed Marik's wrist to prevent him from falling back down the stairs. He could feel the steady beat of his pulse, the constant thud sending sharp thrills through Bakura's thin fingers.

"As long as you don't snore, then I'm fine," Bakura grinned abruptly and pushed past him, cursing himself silently for falling so easily into Marik's traps. Marik watched him go, a faint smirk on his face.

* * *

The two weeks seemed to stretch out in front of Bakura as though they were endless; he felt like he would never be free to leave the Ishtar residence. It wasn't as though he disliked it there, no, in fact Ishizu and Rishid were both very polite to him, and seemed to genuinely enjoy having him to stay. And Marik was… well, Marik was his best friend. Why wouldn't he enjoy spending two weeks causing havoc with him? Playing pranks on Kaiba whenever he came round to pick Ishizu up for their dates, plotting various ways to piss off the Pharaoh and basically causing chaos and destruction wherever they went.

But Bakura needed to get out of there.

He had to stop these stupid (insane, unrealistic, pointless, painful, _stupid_) feelings. It wasn't fair, and it wasn't who he was.

'Come on, pull yourself together!' he would think to himself as he lay as far as possible away from Marik on the single bed (why had he agreed to share when he had known that Marik's room was too small to fit a mattress on the floor? Was he just that much of a masochist?) in the middle of the night, listening to the other's deep breathing through the darkness, unable to fall asleep himself. 'You're Bakura, the Thief King, not some lovesick teenager. You're not supposed to feel this. This is _wrong_.'

And he would bury his face in the pillow, trying not to think of the man sleeping next to him. The man who, Bakura knew, would merely laugh if Bakura told him how he felt, would find it amusing to play with him for a while, would grin in that maddeningly gorgeous way as he broke Bakura's heart with ease.

Not because he hated Bakura, but because that's who Marik was. He just didn't think any other way. He enjoyed causing pain, even if it was to his best friend. It was all a game to him.

He was Marik.

He couldn't love. He just couldn't.

At least, he couldn't love Bakura.

(He wouldn't allow himself to think that one day someone would come along that could change all that, someone that Marik would actually feel for. But that person wasn't going to be Bakura, and he knew that.)

And when Ishizu asked him anxiously the next morning why he looked so tired, when she pointed out how he didn't look well at all and suggested that maybe he should lie down, he would just shrug her off and continue to munch his breakfast, steadfastly ignoring Marik's piercing (knowing) gaze.

It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair at all.

* * *

"I've got a date."

The words jolted Bakura out of his reverie, and he looked up from his book. "Oh?" he drawled, carefully arranging his face into a disinterested expression.

Marik shrugged, fiddling with the TV remote that lay next to him on the sofa. "Yeah. With Anzu, if you'll believe it."

Bakura stared at him for a second, disbelievingly, all the things he wanted to say running through his mind. But he could work out exactly what would happen if he did say those things.

The predicted conversation echoed round his head, Marik's mocking tone blending in with his own fury (hurthurthurt), vague imagined images flashing across his mind like a film.

_(Action)_

"_You're serious? Anzu? You… and Anzu? Marik, I knew you were insane, but this is completely ridiculous!" _

"_I know that she's totally different to me, but that's what I find interesting. It makes the game more fun."_

_(Anger) "One day you're going to have to wake up and realise that life isn't a game, Marik. You can't treat people like toys!"_

"_Why, Bakura, if I didn't know better I'd swear you were jealous."_

_(A long, shuddering breath.) "Don't laugh at me, Marik Ishtar. I'm not the sort of person you want to annoy."_

_(A lazy smile) "If you're not jealous then why are you so angry at something that doesn't affect you at all? What do you care if Anzu gets hurt? I thought you hated the Pharaoh, and all of his little group."_

"_I just don't want you to give him an excuse to send us back to the shadows." _

_(A smirk)_ "_Well, if you're so concerned about it, I won't hurt her." _

_(He bends down to brush his lips against Bakura's, then leaves.)_

_(End Scene)_

But he didn't say that.

In fact he didn't do anything, apart from snorting derisively and going back to his book. "The Pharaoh's going to absolutely murder you when you break Mazaki's heart. I think I'm going to enjoy this."

Marik smirked, and replied, "You'd be surprised. She's actually not that bad. Kind of annoying, I suppose, but she's pretty cute, and she's surprisingly fun to be around. She turned me down at first, you know. But you know me, I'm pretty persuasive."

Bakura didn't say anything.

Just silently cursed his stupid human heart.

* * *

"Bakura?" the tentative voice came from behind him, and Bakura looked around to see Anzu standing in the doorway to the front room. "Hi," she smiled, nervously. "Is Marik here?"

Bakura made a vague grunt of assent and slouched back in his chair, doing his best to ignore the girl behind him.

"Oh… okay," she said, uncertainly. "In his room, then?"

Bakura scowled and turned to yell up the stairs: "Marik! Anzu's here!"

Anzu smiled at him gratefully. "Thanks, Bakura. I didn't mean to disturb you."

"Well, you did," he replied irritably. He ignored the way her face fell, but couldn't help but feel a stab of pleasure at it. _That_ was who he was: rude, unfriendly and cold. It was nice to feel like he was Bakura again.

Then Marik came crashing down the stairs, greeting Anzu with a seductive smile and pulled her out of the door without even acknowledging Bakura.

Bakura grimaced. Suddenly he felt exactly as he had before.

* * *

Bakura was watching some late night horror flick curled up on the sofa when Marik returned, usual smirk fixed in place. He wandered into the room and began to watch over Bakura's shoulder.

"Good film?"

"No."

Marik laughed and sat down on the sofa arm next to Bakura's feet. "Aren't you going to ask how it went?" he said, casually.

Bakura decided to play dumb. "Ask how what went?"

Marik rolled his eyes. "My date, you idiot."

Bakura shrugged. "Well, you didn't come home with a slap mark on your face, and you sound too smug for her to have stormed off in the middle of dinner, so I'm guessing pretty well."

Marik laughed out loud at that, and grabbed a fistful of popcorn from the bowl balanced on Bakura's feet.

The room was quiet for a few minutes, apart from the screams coming from the television and the chewing sounds Marik was making.

Eventually, Bakura could bear it no longer. "You got a second date?" he asked, faking nonchalance.

Marik swallowed and flashed him a grin. "Tuesday. We're going to the cinema."

Bakura nodded, and turned his eyes back to flickering screen in an attempt to distract himself.

(It didn't work).

* * *

Over the next few days it seemed to Bakura that wherever he went Marik and Anzu were always there. He had to put up with them kissing while he was in the same room, he saw how they insisted on standing so close to each other they were virtually wrapped around one another, he once even walked in on them when Marik had his hands up Anzu's shirt. (She was very embarrassed about this; Marik just thought it was funny).

It was driving him crazy.

After putting up with it for what seemed like an age (but was actually only five days) he snapped.

"Would you two _please_ do that in private!" he hissed, after walking into the kitchen to make his lunch, only to find the pair playing tongue hockey as they leant against the counter. "I am getting sick of walking in on you!"

Anzu pushed Marik away, red faced. "Sorry, Bakura," she replied, timidly. "I've actually got to go, I've got an audition in an hour…"

She kissed Marik goodbye and hurried out before Bakura could reply. He shrugged, smothering the urge to smile, and opened the fridge.

"You didn't need to do that," Marik said. Bakura couldn't see his expression as he had his back turned to the counter, but he could guess that his friend was pretty angry. He ignored him.

"She's scared of you," Marik continued.

"Good," Bakura replied, shortly.

"Not like she-thinks-you'll-kill-her scared, it's just she wants to make amends with you and you keep turning her down. She's worried that she annoys you."

"She does."

"She thinks you don't like her."

"I don't," Bakura replied, finally grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge and straightening up to face him.

Marik frowned. "I _am _dating her, you know."

"I'd noticed," Bakura said, acidly.

"You could at least _try_. At the moment she doesn't like coming here because you might be around, and, believe me, that's making my plans to sleep with her rather difficult."

Bakura glared into his drink. "No-one ever said I had to be all friendly and cuddly to her just because you two are dating."

"No, but I thought you could at least work a bit harder at hiding how much you dislike her. Come on, Bakura, you're usually much better than this at lying."

Bakura took a gulp of water to avoid replying.

* * *

Bakura stood a little way away from Ishizu and Rishid as they waited in the crowded arrivals lounge, waiting for Ryou and Malik's plane to come in. Marik, unsurprisingly, hadn't come, and was currently busy on a date with Anzu. Bakura winced at the thought, and then scowled, shifting his weight from side to side impatiently.

It was a few minutes later that he saw the shock of white hair through the crowd which signalled out his hikari, and he shoved his way through the mob to meet them.

Ryou, upon seeing him, beamed and hugged Bakura briefly (which Bakura put up with purely because he was too tired to argue otherwise) and Malik grinned in a friendly way before going to get their luggage.

"You have a nice time?" Bakura asked, disinterestedly.

Ryou nodded, smiling softly. "It was amazing. Malik and I visited loads of beautiful places, and we-" Bakura zoned out as Ryou chattered on about how 'romantic' it had been and how much fun they'd had. He was suddenly thrown back into reality by Ryou's sudden change in tone: "I hope you didn't have to put up with too much though. It was okay, staying with the Ishtars, wasn't it?"

Bakura opened his mouth, thinking of all the sleepless nights, all of the moments where he'd wished that just _maybe_ something would change, all of the times he'd seen Marik and Anzu wound around each other, his tongue down her throat, watching Marik smirk at him over her shoulder…

"Yeah. It was great," Bakura grinned, wearily. "Really fun."

He'd always been a good liar.

* * *

**Aw, poor Bakura. I don't know why, but I've always wanted to write Bakura on the losing end of unrequited love, just to see how he would react. Anyway, I hoped you all had fun reading! :D**

**Bookworm**


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